The forbidden dreamz…………..

Its been a long time,since I logged in to this blog. I don’t know what happened to me. I was very much interested till last month. I am sick.
I have lost all my interests towards everything. What is Bothering me??
I don’t know. The answer for all questions is “I don’t know”.
I think the situation will be much better, if I can find a new job. I cannot leave the job also. Life will be difficult as I am used to earning my own for last 3 years. Lifestyle is something that we cannot change in a day time.
I have always thought, how my life brought me here. Now I am a guy with three years of work experience with A BCA Graduation at 20 Years of age. Earning a five digit salary. Though the way I selected was a bit tough and hard. At some of points, I have felt that I have taken the right decision.
When I was doing my tenth. I was planning to do atleast a B Tech in Computer science. I was studying in a private school(Lakshmi Narayana Vidya Nikethan) till my tenth standard.
I joined LNVN when I got promoted to seventh. Until 7th I was studying in a school ran by Muslim service trust. It was like 40 mins travel on school bus(as the whole students of that particular town was having a single school bus) from my house. I was having some sort of problems with my health that doctor asked to decrease traveling. LNVN was very near to my house only 1 or 1.5 Kms away.
So my mom(who is always a decision taken in my education cycle) decided to join me in LNVN.
Joined LNVN. I was shocked on getting my uniforms for LNVN. White shirt and Half trouser. I was adamant that I will not wear the Half trouser as I was having pants as uniform for my last school. My mom even went and saw the principal of LNVN to see if some thing can be adjusted regarding the uniform. Mom convinced someway saying that I just need to wear this half trouser for one year as from 8th standard onwards it will be ordinary pants. So i started going to school wearing the trousers that I never like. I used to run and hide some where when ever I saw my old school bus coming. One day unfortunately they saw me wearing half trousers and my old semi barbaric friends were shouting and teasing me. I felt humiliated. I went home made a big issue regarding this.
In our class we were around 20 students. As a class we were one. We never had gangism or a teamism in between us. Life went well. I felt crush on gal classmates and juniors(we were the senior most batch). Out of which two was very intensive. One was in my own class.She was a very meritorious, orthodox gal. I found it difficult to sit in class without her. The days on which she was absent was very boring. You know this is the first time I am revealing all these. I think I have spoke regarding this only to one of my friend who had a crush on another gal in our class. He didn’t wait so much. He went ahead and proposed her. Which exploded like a big atom bomb in the gals family and his family(actually he and that gal are relatives). He is still suffering the after effect of that atom bomb.
During the last days of LNVN I told my dream gal that i have got a gal in ma heart. She asked me who was that. I said I will not say that. She was walking behind to know who it was. After thinking for three days I showed her one of my junior after I making her promise me that she will not say the same to her.
When our tenth result came. My dream gal called me at 4 in the morning and asked how is my marks and gave me her stats. Which made me think that I have got some place in her heart
I was planning to propose my crush before leaving the school after tenth. But seeing all what happened To my friend I dropped the planning. you know why ?? We cannot predict how gals will think. After completing tenth she left the city in search of a good school and good entrance coaching center as her aim was very high. Now she has achieved her target is doing the studies as she dreamed. She is still a good friend of mine. We have good contacts through SMS and sometimes calls. When I think of that days now, it was really funny.

The other crush was my junior. She was fair,good looking,Short and she is from my own community(I am not getting in to castiesm or religion). My friends used to say that “If you are looking for a gal, propose her.She is a good match for you in all aspects.” But I have never got a good opportunity to speak to her.
One day I heard that one of my friend has a crush on her. So I kept mine hidden. So she was all rounder. She was did well in studies, extra curricular activities etc. I still remember her Cinematic dance wearing some white shiny Churidhar during the annual day celebrations.
She came with us for our final Excursion in tenth. The trip was amazing. After leaving LNVN. I never expected to see her.

One week back when I was browsing through one of the social networking websites. I saw some photos that was uploaded by one of my friends. The photo was taken on the occasion of their get together. I saw her on the photos. With no noticeable changes, the same gal. Today I got her online on Gtalk. Chated with her for 5 mins. t was very nice chatting to her.She asked what I am doing now and invited me to her college for doing my PG. Now no one is so important or too interested for me as “time” has did its duty well.

There is a concrete reason why i dint even try proposing a gal though i got enough opportunities. I will try to write that later that.I am short of time now and its already 6 o clock in the morning as I need to go to sleep so that i can wake up at least by 12 PM in the noon. What a life is this???